Thought 195: The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Part 11 - Contribution To The Society

- Do not always be too concerned about your comforts only. Get concerned also about those less fortunate than you

- Give into the society at least a part of what you have taken from it. You will soon realize that there is more pleasure in giving than in receiving

- Join a charitable or a philanthropic organization to render some service to the society. Set apart one evening at least in a week for this service.

“Quitters never win. Winners never quit”

“We never plan for failure. We only fail to plan”

“Have a role model. Convert your weaknesses into strengths – and then win”

Thought 195: The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Part 10 - Moral Values And Principles

- Remember, "Good reputation is some thing that has to be earned but honor is something that must not be lost"

- "Forget injuries but never forget kindness"

- "Forgiveness warms the heart and dulls the sting"

- Never say one thing and mean another

- Have some values in life. Write them down for clarity. Commit yourself to them.

- Values should not be compromised or diluted. They should be guarded jealously

- Defend your values even if such a defense may cause you suffering. This suffering gives you moral courage and strength of character, which are extremely valuable

- When there is a conflict between "being right" and "being happy"

* "be right" where values are concerned

* "be happy" in every thing else - they are all negotiable

The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Thought 195: The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Part 9 - Managing Your Life (Continued)

- Good managers do not repeat a mistake. They may make a new mistake

- Have goals and write them down

- You are "Managing" your life or family or your business, if you set goals and set about to achieve them. A sense of purpose will then guide all your efforts. Otherwise, you merely, "Run" your life, or family or institution, without any direction. You become rudderless

- Set yourself some goals and use your resources wisely to achieve them. Remember, "time" is your most important resource. It is a non-renewable resource and therefore, has to be used efficiently. Any minute spent in doing a non-essential task, is lost to you irretrievably and your resource is depleted to that extent and becomes unavailable for the use of essential tasks.

- It is easy to manage prosperity. Not much thinking or effort is needed. It is far more difficult to manage adversity. The ability to manage adversity is the real key to success

- Every thought, decision and action has consequences. It is unrealistic to expect to escape consequences after a decision or action. They are inescapable. No one is exempt from this rule

- Maintain an efficient information system. "Your decision is only as good as the information you possess".

- Update yourself constantly. In this technological world, you can quickly become obsolete. Obsolete ideas and persons will be left behind, while the world moves forward

- There can never be an output without an input. Input is in your control - output is not. Therefore, it is futile to worry about the output. If you have to worry at all, it is better to do so about the input

- Efficiency equals output over input and can never be greater than one. That is, the input has to be greater (or at least equal to) than the output. This is a fundamental law of Nature

- A good manager has not only to be efficient but has to be effective as well

- To be effective, you have to be aware of the right things to do

The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Thought 195: The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Part 8 - Managing Your Life

- Never get locked on to "Trivia" or "Noise". Always zero in to the signal. "Vital few" should always get precedence over "Trivial many"

- Attempt "Excellence". Excellence and Quality are closely related. Do not, however, expect ideal solutions, situations or behavior. It is unrealistic to do so. Remember, there is no ideal gas or perfect vacuum or absolute temperature in the real world

- You may not like some things or certain people. Do not develop strong prejudices against them. It is poor management to do so. It is good management to keep an open mind. You can turn every situation to your advantage. This is good management

- Be objective in every thing. Learn to come out of the frame and then, look at the picture

- Learn to think and encourage the habit of thinking in people around you

- Do not act and think. First, think and then, act

- Be a team player. You have to learn to be a follower first, if you want to be a leader

- Remember, every one makes mistakes - including you. Making a mistake is not a crime. To err is human. Some of us are more human than others

- Do not defend a mistake. Own it gracefully and honestly

- Learn from your mistakes. This experience is very valuable. Remember, "years make age and mistakes make experience"

Thought 195: The holistic approach to life

Part 7 - Stress Relief

- Meditate twice a day

- Keep your mind and surroundings clean. Cleanliness is godliness

- Listen to soothing or melodious music. Music with a fast beat can generate turmoil in the mind - it does not sooth or relax

- Physical exercise relaxes you very efficiently

- Make conscious and persistent efforts to banish anger, tantrums, prejudices, anxiety, jealousy, hatred and greed. They never solve any problem. On the other hand, they create problems and therefore, stress for you.

- Stop negative thinking as soon as you become aware of it. Identify "NARK" thoughts and cancel them as soon as you identify them

- Be humble, sweet, cheerful, enthusiastic and relaxed. Yoga can relax you quickly and efficiently
- Goals remove vague fears and anxieties. Any stress management program involves goals and their achievement

The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Thought 195: The holistic approach to life

Part 6 - Dealing With Problems

- Problems are inevitable and are a constant feature of every life. There are no exceptions. No one is exempt

- What is inevitable must be accepted calmly. The calmer we are, the easier it is to deal with problems

- Solving a problem does not leave a vacuum behind. A new problem instantly occupies its place

- Never run away from any problem. If you do, it chases you. If you face it squarely, it usually runs away

- As soon as you encounter a problem or you are able to identify one, the first thing that you should do is to classify it into:
* Vital or Trivial

* Clean or Dirty

- Vital problems should always obtain priority over all others

- "Clean Problems" have ready solutions. "Dirty problems" have to be cleaned before they can be solved

- Until you are able to solve the dirty problems, try to peacefully coexist with them. Frequently, "time" can solve or at least, subdue the intensity of such problems. Panic on the other hand, can intensify their severity

The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Thought 195: The holistic approach to life

Part 5- Dealing With Circumstances

-Nothing remains static in this world - much less circumstances. Do not despair or panic, if they look dark or menacing right now. They will not remain like that for long. In Nature, things get cycled constantly - for instance, night is followed by day is followed by night and so on.

- Do not imagine that future also will be equally as dark. It is this feeling that causes untold and unnecessary suffering. This is virtually the "living hell" that people frequently experience. This is one more self-defeating option on your agenda. This is totally avoidable

- It is not the situation per se which causes the trauma. Rather, it is our perception of it that often causes stress. Cultivate healthy and positive thinking.

- You are never defined by your circumstances. You are always defined by the way you react to them

- You can do little to prevent an event after it takes place. You cannot wish realities away. Accept realities as they are and deal with them on that basis

- Forget yesterday. Plan for tomorrow. Live happily today. You cannot do better than that. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not suffered through

- "Tough times do not last but tough guys do"

The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Thought 195: The holistic approach to life

Part 4 - Dealing With People

- "Do not under estimate people merely because they over estimate themselves"

- "Do not talk about people but talk to people". "We are masters of our unsaid words and slaves of those that slip out"


- Never ever make personal jokes about others. If you have to, let the jokes be on you

- Friendships are rarely accidental. They have to be painstakingly cultivated and promoted.

- "Be slow in choosing a friend, even slower in changing"

- Have a small close circle of friends and a large circle of acquaintances. You share freely with the close circle only. Remember, "shared joy is double joy and shared sorrow is half sorrow"

- Every one has strengths and weaknesses. No one should be considered as inferior or superior to any one else but should be respected as a person basically


- We get complexes when we compare our weakness with the strength of others or our strength with the weakness of others. Do not compare. Comparisons cause unhappiness

- Learn to deal politely with people, in general. When necessary, learn to be firm. When it is essential to say"no", have the courage to say so.

The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Thought 195: The holistic approach to life

Part 3 – psychological needs

- Fear and suspicion are the major causes of conflict. Have no fear (but be cautious). Try and dispel suspicion in others

- You are talking to yourself constantly. If this self-talk is negative, a poor self-image results and you build up a resentment towards others

- Make the self-talk positive and develop a high self esteem

- No one can harm you. By negative self-talk, you harm yourself. Since no one other than yourself can harm you, why have animosity towards others?

- Self-confidence and self-esteem make you look attractive. If you lack them, you look unattractive, even if you are handsome

- Learn to listen when others speak. Do not prejudge and stop listening. Similarly, learn to see and observe

- Often, what you see and hear may give you only misleading information. Try to find the real truth before you come to any firm conclusions

- Do not be guided solely by what others say. Frequently, people say things based on their prejudices or based on their own interests. Develop your own judgement and evaluate their statements objectively before you come to any firm conclusions

- If you try to conform to the expectations of others, you are always allowing them to modify your behavior to suit their interests. This does not allow self-confidence to build within you. Do what you think is in your interest and do not bother about what others think of you

- What people say to you is not so important as what motivated them to say that

- People take psychological positions, generally based on prejudices. Ignoring the position cancels its power.

- We may not be able to control events, but we should certainly be able to control our reactions to them. Do not be too sensitive to your own feelings. Learn to case harden yourself.

- Keep your ego under control. Remember, others too have ego and feelings. Be slow to react but be quick to respond

- Feel no anger but feign anger when necessary

The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Thought 195: The holistic approach to life

Part1 - The balanced approach

A balanced, harmonious and holistic approach to life is the only way to improve the quality of life. We must attend to all our needs - not just one or two of them - to get anywhere near the synergism that we are aiming at.

A human being lives on several planes - physical, intellectual, psychological or emotional, social, spiritual - and has needs in all these planes. Additionally, he or she has to deal with varied people, circumstances, problems and stresses. Each of them set up different priorities for different persons and every person needs equipment to cope with the demands of these needs and their priorities.

An attempt has been made here to identify some important needs and recommend some useful measures, which, if properly or devotedly applied, can lead to the harmony and balance, needed to the higher quality of life.

The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Part 2 - Physical Health

- Keep teeth and gums clean. Wash after each meal

- Keep eyes healthy. Wash frequently with ice cold water

- Keep body healthy through daily physical exercise

- Have timely and healthy eating habits

- Do breathing exercises daily for at least 15 minutes

The holistic approach to life (Continued)

Thought 194: Resistances in the mind

Man imposes several limitations on himself - prejudices, self doubt, fear, hatred etc. "I do not like him", "I do not think I can do that", "I hate that" etc - are but a few examples, which are familiar to most of us. These are all like the hurdles in a relay race in athletic meets. These hurdles are firmly etched on your memory. These are the resistances, which make it difficult for you to convert your huge potential - efficiently into achievement. These resistences also cause considerable losses during the process of conversion. What you are able to achieve consequently is far less than what your potential is. These resistances also make it difficult for you to live in the present, undisturbed by the past memories and experiences. Thoughts and feelings of guilt, worry, hatred, anger, anxiety, fears etc lodge you permanently in either the past - the memory lane - or the future - the hide out.

In Nature, any resistance causes friction and loss of energy. According to Dr Sampooran Singh ("Paths of Meditation" - Sri Ramakrishna Math), meditation leads to the liberation from the resistances in the mind - freeing the mind from the past conditioning. Moving from a state of resistance to a state of resistancelessness is a "quantum jump of the mind from logical and scientific reason to unfettered philosophical reason; or from relative (conscious state) to an absolute state ". This is the Super Conscious State.

The electromagnetic spectrum is broadly divided into three regions – ultraviolet region, visible region and infrared region. The sound spectrum too is divided into three regions – ultra sound region, audible region and supersonic region. Similarly, consciousness is also divided, according to Indian Vedaantic philosophy, into three regions – subconscious state, conscious state and super-conscious state. When we are awake, of course, we are in the conscious state. When we are in a disturbed sleep state having dreams, the consciousness exists but in the subconscious state. When we are in the deep sleep, the consciousness is said to be in the super-conscious state. In the super-conscious state, mind is free from all limitations.

Dr Sampooran Singh sees a parallel between Man’s super-conscious state - and material which is in the super-conductive state. When some materials are kept at certain low temperatures, they have no resistance to the flow of electricity and the materials show an extraordinary capability. If we put a little electric current in the circuit under those conditions, it keeps on flowing, as there are no resistances and consequently, no losses. The properties of matter without resistance are described by a completely new set of physical laws. Similarly the state of the mind without resistances also functions in a different dimension altogether. This is called "super consciousness". "The state of the mind without resistance is capable of pure perception and as such, the mind receives the present moment of the chronological “space – time” continuum and there is a continuous flow of present moment only”.

If there are no resistances at all in your mind, there would be no losses and consequently, the entire potential lying dormant in you can get converted into achievement. You are no longer bound by the usual set of natural laws. Since Man's potential is believed to be infinite, imagine how creative and how productive you will be, if that happens.

You certainly can do without prejudices or resistances. You do not need them. Why have them at all and get limited? You have within you an infinite wealth of knowledge. It is in your power to uncover this wealth. Demolish the resistances and experience the great knowledge and happiness, which is the real you.

The next thought is about “The holistic approach to life” (in 10 parts)

Thought 193: Living in the present is difficult

It is not easy for any one to focus exclusively on any one topic for a reasonable length of time. The nature of the mind is flighty and erratic. It does not like to focus – it enjoys getting distracted. It is like a wild monkey – hopping constantly from one branch to another, randomly.

For instance, while you are in a movie theater, does not your mind drift to the various things that you forgot to do before starting out for the theater or things that you will have to do, as soon as you return home? Have you ever been able to enjoy the movie without any of these distractions? When you are walking, instead of enjoying the walking and the scenario around you, are you not constantly talking to your self, about things that have no connection to the walking or the scenario which is right in front of your eyes? While reading a newspaper, does not your mind suddenly drift over, say for instance, to the things that have been causing you worry at the place of work? While driving to your work, do you recall the times that you escaped getting into accidents because your attention was not on the driving, but was wandering constantly?

Unless, you train your mind properly, it is almost impossible for you to keep it focused on any given topic. Mind simply refuses to focus on any given topic - not even for a few seconds at a time. It never allows you to enjoy the present. Present passes into the past - and if not into the past, it goes into the future, so quickly that you hardly ever notice its surreptitious passage. You feel as if present never seems to arrive for you.

Let us call the interval of time, which merges so quickly with the past or the future without you being aware of it, as "dt" - a very useful concept of calculus. The concept is that this "dt" is infinitely small. This "dt" is the "present" that you have been missing.

The next thought is about “Resistances in the mind”

Thought 192: Life is meant to be enjoyed

There is more to life than spending all your time worrying about the future or feeling guilty over the past. You must enjoy friendships, relationships, your work, hobbies, the bliss of marriage and children, exercise, entertainment, vacation, nature, gardening, reading and a host of other things that make life colorful, fulfilled and exciting. You can experience all these wonderful things provided you stop living in the past and future - and start living in the present.

It is believed that a human being is a single input device. When you are focusing on doing some thing at this moment, you cannot do or think of any thing else. If this is so, then, living in the present becomes a very interesting experience. Suppose, you are able to concentrate completely in reading a book. If you fully focus on this reading, how can you worry at the same time, about some thing that is going to happen in future? You will, then, experience the joy of reading. Similarly, if you are playing tennis and you are thoroughly immersed in the joy of playing, how can you feel guilty, at the same time, about things that happened a while ago? You feel the exhilaration of playing tennis only when you are immersed in it completely and exclusively.

The next thought is about “Living in the present is difficult”

Thought 191: Those who run away from the Present have no where to hide comfortably

Most people facing a difficult situation today would start imagining that their lives are going to be like this for ever and get immobilized over this unrealistic scenario that they paint for themselves. They would build continuously over these imagined difficulties and fears - keep on magnifying them. The negative and unrealistic scenario that they have painted for themselves, frightens them so much, that they begin to hide in the future.

When you are afraid to face the realities of the present, you want to somehow run away, as soon as possible, to your safe haven, which is the future. Such persons know that they are safe in the future because it never happens - it is only the present that happens in reality. You want to hide in the future for fear of the reality of the present. Such persons never realize that life's processes are never static – they are always dynamic. Circumstances keep changing constantly and if they have a difficult period today, they are going to have a happy period tomorrow. Night must be followed by day. This is Nature's law.

Again, when they are in the future, they begin to imagine that it is also pregnant with several calamities. Since you have a low self-esteem, you feel that you cannot cope with those calamities. Such persons are also not happy being in the future. They feel devastated sometimes. In bewilderment, they run now hopefully back to the past. When they are in the past, they start feeling guilty about their past mistakes. Thus, they find that they are not happy being in the past either. They are not peaceful and happy – in any time period. When one keeps running back and forth in this manner, between future and past, life virtually becomes intolerable for this person; the quality of life fro such persons is obviously very poor.

If you are always living either in the past or in the future, when will you live in the present and experience the joy of living? Why do you like to see yourself always in a flashback? If not the flashback, you like to sit in the time machine and simulate future in it.

The next thought is about Life is meant to be enjoyed

Thought 190: Insecurity breeds fear

Fear of the unknown perhaps is one single big cause of all neurotic behavior. Dr Joseph Murphy in his book, "The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind", writes, that there are only two fears with which a person is born. These are, the fear of falling down and the fear of noise. All other fears are acquired. Dr Robert Anthony writes in his book "Super Persuation" that you will have no confidence in your self - and you will feel insecure, mostly because of four fears, and they are fear of failure, fear of appearing ridiculous, fear of exposing the ego to hurt and fear of rejection.

Most of us have a measure of insecurity within us and some people have a tendency to get neurotically concerned over it. You worry excessively about future events in your life –
what happens if you get sick,
how can you support your family if you lose your job,
what if your son gets into bad company and takes to drugs,
what if you suffer a loss in your investments

and so goes on the list of imagined calamities. Such fears are called irrational fears. This fear psychosis due to irrational fears becomes more and more intense, when you begin to live in dread of the future. This is usually the result of, amongst other things, low self esteem.

The next thought is about “Those who run away from the Present have no where to hide comfortably”

Thought 189: You were programmed as a child

When a child is born, it comes into this world with a clean slate. It has no knowledge about this world. It is eager to learn about the world it has come to live in and therefore, tries to learn as fast as it can. Starting from the moment it is born, it observes every thing around it very keenly, which is how it learns. The fact that it does not know the language does not really stop its learning process. It is now accepted that even for the adults, the words carry only about 8% of the message. The rest is carried through the body and voice languages - and the child is good at reading the body and voice languages.

Most people are conditioned from early childhood to focus on the negatives. Parents, who are the role models for the child, constantly display negatives, which the child readily absorbs. Worry, anxiety, guilt, impatience, criticism, anger, hatred, greed, revenge, jealousy, excessive ego, self pity, are some of the negatives that constantly pervade the conversation of the parents, teachers, baby sitters and others, such as relatives and friends of parents, in the presence of the child. All these are picked by the sensitive antennae of the child and they are entered permanently into its mind.

Thus, although the child is born without any negatives, it gradually picks these destructive negatives before it is four years old. It gets programmed on this basis and this is the software that drives the child all through the later years of its life. This becomes the foundation for the quality of one’s life. No attempt is ever made later to unlearn or cancel the effect of these negatives.

This early childhood negative foundation constantly undercuts your attempts to learn a new way of life later. It keeps away creativity from you, because creativity has to be nurtured in a supporting environment, in which, open mindedness, cheerfulness, encouragement and similar positive attitudes prevail. Very rarely, however, does the child observe these and similar positive attitudes such as love for others, positive views about people in general, tolerance for different views, sense of humor, confidence, tranquility, excellence, perfection, etc in her young life. The child is hardly ever encouraged to look at nature and appreciate it. It does not learn to wonder about the magnificent creation around it, like the flowers or the rainbow or moonlight or any such natural, delightful and beautiful phenomena of this world. In those rare families, where the child gets exposed to positive views, that child, of course, grows up based on that foundation.

The next thought is about “Insecurity breeds fear”

Thought 188: Greed makes you shameless

Unless you put in the bank first, you cannot withdraw. This is more so in human relationships. Overdrafts are rarely allowed in human relationships. In human relationships, there are no one-way streets also. This is understood very well by every adult – although a child may not understand and conform to such adult norms.

A child is usually very selfish – and greedy. The child takes everything from the parents (society) without contributing anything to the society and the society readily grants whatever the child wants. But the society scorns at the grownups when they indulge in a child-like behavior - prompted by greed and selfishness.

Greedy persons try to take everything they can get freely from others. They do not mind what others think of them; greed makes them immune to shame. I know one woman who took away all the jewelry of her mother (when mother passed away suddenly), which she should have shared equally with her sibling. She also had hidden all the legal papers relating to the family property when the father died a few years later– and quietly took a power of Attorney from the sibling ostensibly with honest intentions, but actually she had no real intention of sharing the family property also (such as house sites, stocks, buildings) with the other lawful claimant. All property disputes between children when the parents are gone are of this nature only. This is what Duryodhana did to the Paandavas.

The next thought is about “You were programmed as a child”

Thought 187: Tough times do not last, tough guys do

You can handle happiness all by yourself - you do not need outside help for this. But people flock to you at these times, like the flies on the sweets in a sweets shop in India, with offers of unsolicited help. When adversity visits you, however, you could do with some outside help; you could do with some moral support at least. It is at such times that people avoid you scrupulously. They do not want any part of you. You are severely left alone - to manage the difficult times all by yourself. Some may even gloat, saying, "at last he got what he should have got long ago".

It is at these times that persons with no moral and ethical values break down. They get into self-pity mode. Some persons may even get into depressions. But those with values in life, remain unperturbed even during the toughest times. The five Paandava kings showed us (in Mahaabhaarat) by their calm behavior during all the 14 years they were forced to spend in jungles - when their kingdom was usurped by their crooked cousin, Duryodhana. The Paandavas faced tough times with “a Prayer, positive thinking and patience”(the three P’s formula of Sashi, my daughter)

Thoughtful parents do their best to instill values in their children. Values build character and strength. When you have character and strength, it is not too difficult to go through tough times.

The next thought is about “There are no overdrafts in human relationships”

Thought 186: You like to hear good things said about you

It is a common human failing to hear good things said about oneself – and never hear bad things said about oneself. My former boss, Brigadier Chakravarti used to say, "If you have to talk about me at all, talk good things about me. You make sure that you talk well about me - to someone who will convey to me all those good things you said about me. At best, I would hear about it and like you immensely. At worst, I will probably suspect that you are flattering me for a purpose. But I cannot do anything to you when you talk good about me. I certainly can't be unpleasant to you because you are talking well of me! You see how helpless people become when you talk well of them". This is a very profound statement.

He also added, "But if you have to talk ill about me, only talk to yourself and not in front of any other person, however close he is to you today. These things have a way of coming back to me". I asked him, "What happens if they come back to you? How do you react? Would you believe what you hear?" He said, "You know people are like elephants - they have big ears but small eyes. After all, remember, I am also human, like any one else. When the opportunity comes, naturally, I will fix you!"

The next thought is about “Tough times do not last, tough guys do”

Thought 185: People always talk - it is their prerogative

People are always talking - whether you like what they are talking or not. They are talking about everything, about everyone - even about themselves too. When they talk about themselves, it sounds like they are blowing their own trumpet.

They say that god has given us two eyes to see better, two ears to listen better but only one mouth to talk less! But this maxim is followed more in its breach than in compliance.

People talk - all the time. It is their right to talk. You may or may not like to listen to it. It is your right too - not to listen. Anything that you do in life becomes the concern of others. If you do well, it is talked about - some with admiration and others with jealousy. If you do not do well, it is also talked about - some with sympathy, others with a satisfaction that at last you are getting at least now - what you deserved to get long ago.

The next thought is about “You like to hear good things said about you”