Thought 149: What is decency

Keeping your promises even if others do not, is decency. Keeping secrets even if others do not, is decency. Not forgetting to return what you borrowed, even if others do forget, is decency. Not rejecting old and tried friendships while making more interesting friendships, is decency. Never wishing to others what you do not like to happen to you, is decency. To be nice and helpful to neighbors, even if they are not, is decency. Having sympathy for those who are not so fortunate as you are in terms of money, education and other accomplishments, is decency. To love animals and birds, which are so helpless to defend themselves against the cruelty and selfishness of human beings, is decency. Not causing pollution is decency. Constantly advocating against pollution is also decency. Looking after your old parents is decency. Doing the right thing (what they like and also what is good for them) for your wife and children, is decency. Never letting down your friends and well wishers, is decency. Giving your very best for the employer, who pays your monthly pay check, is decency. Can you add to this list? Can you try to abide by these rules? If you try to do that, you are a decent person.

The next thought is about “The crystal ball will not work”

THought 148: Seeking Approval

There is nothing wrong in enjoying a little compliment, an affectionate pat on the back and a little bit of applause from time to time, says Dr Wayne Dyer. You do want to be thought of well by your bosses, spouses, children, neighbors, colleagues, friends, peers and relatives. You feel good and you like to do things, which please them. But, when seeking approval of persons constantly becomes a compulsion, it sets up a stress for you. You are always anxious to please them and feel worried that you may not have done enough in this regard. At times, you may feel concerned with disapproval. This sets up more stress for you.

Every one has an agenda of his own – and they want you to do things or behave in a way to promote their agenda; they are not at all interested in your agenda. If you do not do what they want you to do, they show their disapproval – which is designed in a subtle manner to make you feel uncomfortable or upset.

When you try to please others habitually, you are being controlled by them. By withholding approval, they have the power to modify your behavior. You have given them this power. If seeking approval becomes a habit, you lose your self-confidence and self-esteem. You can gain your power back only when you start doing things to please your self and not others. You can get rid of your stress when “what others think of you” becomes a thing of no consequence and what you think of yourself becomes important.

The sooner you realize that you can never please every one, no matter what you do and that you can never get rid of their disapproval, the better for you.

The next thought is about “What is decency”

Thought 147: Why people behave the way they do?

Sometimes people behave in a way that upsets you. Many persons have behaved badly towards me - apparently for no reason. Previously, I used to get upset when they tried to upset me! Now, I have learnt to ignore this person. I am satisfied that it is his nature to behave this way. I cannot change his nature. He alone can change his nature.

People do take an instant dislike or like to persons. Each person behaves according to the nature and quality of his mind. If this is understood, this kind of problem gets greatly minimized.

Swami Dayananda says that the animals are above reproach in this respect. They do not understand what is a rational behavior and therefore, they do not know how to behave irrationally. You do not find fault with a mosquito, for instance, for biting you? What all you do is to get rid of it or find a cure for its bite, but you do not entertain any animosity against it. You know it bites because it does not know anything better; it does not know that it should not bite you!

Similarly, people also behave helplessly as dictated by their in-born tendencies, called, Samskaras (Vaasanas). If you had the same past, you would have done the same thing too. If you understand this, you are a mature person.

Thought 146: We constantly judge people

Whether we like it or not, all of us are constantly judging people. The more mature we are, the more objective this judgment is going to be. For instance, during my service, I was a member of the departmental promotion committee of a Technical Organization. I was always surprised and even shocked, sometimes, how a few members in this committee, judged the candidates for promotion based on their face, complexion and other irrelevant features – and not based on their professional knowledge and skills.

It is smart to keep your likes and dislikes on hold while judging people. Such persons are mature and their judgment will be found correct more often than not. They have well honed judging skills, which got developed over a period of time. They can smartly docket a person in no time at all.

Many people talk highly of themselves; they usually over-estimate themselves and their brood. There may be any number of reasons for this but we are not concerned with those reasons. How much of what they say should we believe? There is a need for judgment here again – because this is crucial.

I want to strike a note of caution here. People may over-estimate themselves - but do not under-estimate them, because they overestimate themselves.

Greed, untrustworthiness, negative attitudes and similar traits show out very easily in people – they stick out a mile. You do not need much maturity to detect them. It is only when these traits are smartly camouflaged that you really need all the judging skills that you can muster, supplemented by your sixth sense. Whenever there is a doubt, it is good to go by what your sixth sense says.

Keep a distance from people whom you judge as greedy, untrustworthy and prone to thinking negatively.

The next thought is about “Why people behave the way they do?”

Thought 145: About Friends and Enemies

Everyone has friends - and enemies; everyone has persons, whom he labels as “good” and “bad”. Labels are, of course, purely subjective.

Every one has 'good' and 'bad' in him. Everyone has an agenda of his own - which makes him a friend to some and an enemy to others. You should consider him good or bad to you, not because some one says so, but because you find him so.

Every one has likes and dislikes. Every one has ‘good’ and ‘bad’ in him. Everyone has an agenda of his own – which makes him a friend to some and an enemy to others. You should consider him good or bad to you, not because some one says so, but because you find him so.

Most people do not really know who their well wishers are. Some persons are naïve – they accept every one who flatters them as friends. An enemy evidently appears as an enemy but a friend, who is really an enemy, cannot be seen in his true colours so easily. Remember, a friend is your well wisher; he comes to your help without expecting any return. Those who are not your well wishers (friends) in this sense, are your acquaintances. In this world, every one has his/her own agenda. Every one is primarily interested in himself/herself, although they may profess or pretend that they are more interested in promoting your interests like a friend. The intelligent person would be able to see through this pretense – and come to know the real nature of the so called friend.

I always advise my children to keenly observe the behaviour of their so called friends – classify them properly into friends and acquaintances. A friend is one who helps without expecting a return. An acquaintance is one who does business deals – “if I do this for you, what will you do for me?” One should have a small circle of close (real) friends and a large circle of acquaintances.

The next thought is about “We constantly judge people”

Thought 144: It is good to focus on work but not on its result (Continued)

Understand that the fact that you have no control over the fruits of your action, however, should not make you frustrated and stop all action; one should not renounce action out of frustration or fear. When you are afraid of something and you run away from it, then you have yielded to the immensity of the problem. When you run away from anything out of fear, it means, that you still have likes and dislikes (Raaga-Dveshas). When you have likes and dislikes still in your mind, you cannot give up action; they would always drive you to act - and you are helpless here.

When you give up action for any reason (for example, out of fear), it becomes dereliction of duty. You just do not like a particular action – and you want to escape from it. This is what the Bhagavaan refers here as inaction. Attachment to inaction is neither possible nor good. How can you live in this world without performing some action? Action is inescapable. However, neglecting to do what you have to do is not good – from both secular point of view as well as the spiritual point of view.

Vedaanta says – you must work but give up the notion that you are working to fulfill your desires; you are only working to please the god because He wants every one to play his roles in this world considering them as his sacred duties. Vedaanta also says give up your ego; and also give up the notion that you are working for gaining something. This is what an artist does; while painting the picture, he is not aware that he is doing it; he simply loves his work and keeps on working on that basis. Such a work gets success and recognition. Action thus, is a spiritual practice, fundamentally.

The next thought is “About Friends and Enemies”

Thought 144: It is good to focus on work but not on its result (Continued)

Bhagavaan Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita (2.47), “Karmanye Vaadhi-kaaraste Maa Phaleshu Kadaachana Maa Karma Phala-heturbhur Maate Sango-stva Karmani =You have a choice in action, but never in its results (Maa Kadaachana). The result is determined by me”.

This Sloka (Verse) is not advocating that one should perform every action without expecting a result. No one performs any action without expecting a result. When one undertakes to do something, he expects a result, even though he knows that he has no control over the result. This expectation of a result, which is quite natural, is not a problem. The problem comes only when you get attached to the result.

The word “Adhikaara” (used in this Sloka) actually means the right - the right to choose a particular option, out of several options available to you for performing Karma (action). You have freedom to decide what work you want to do and how you propose to do it - this is your right. You are not, unfortunately, in a position to choose the result that you want; you are helpless with reference to the result. The result is decided in accordance with the law of cause and effect. This law was not authored by any one here. It is Isvara’s (God’s) law. He alone decides the result of every action in the world.

All Karmas are undertaken to produce the desired results. Since you perform a particular Karma to produce a specific result, it appears that you have figured out, which Karma would produce which result. If you are a thinking person, you would very soon find out that what you figured out, is not really as predictable as you thought it is. What you want is one thing and what you get is not exactly what you wanted. Frequently, it is quite the opposite. And you are helpless about this.

Your power and knowledge are limited. That is your status as a Jeeva. You do have a choice, but only over the action. You have none over the result. You perform the Karma and the result is taken care of. If you had power over the result, then, every one of your Karmas would have been successful. But because you are not omniscient, you do not know that a particular Karma would produce a given result. What the result is would depend on so many unknown factors. Since you do not have choice over the result, you should recognize this limitation. This is the limitation in knowledge and power. All human beings have the same kind of limitation.
The next thought is also about “It is good to focus on work but not on its result (Continued)”