Thought 107: You covet what the other person has and you do not have

Man always “wants” – something or the other. His “wants” begin the very instant he comes into this world; he wants milk as soon as he is born and starts yelling for it. These “wants” drive all of us all through our lives.

It is a common human failing to compare yourself with others - with neighbors, with friends, with colleagues, with relatives, with peers and so on. You compare either to derive pleasure that you have something, which others do not have or feel unhappy that you do not have something which others have. When you show off what you have, you are pleased, no doubt, for sometime, but this pleasure does not last long. Very soon you will discover some else has a better quality or better technology device than what you have; and that is the beginning of misery for you. What you want is what others have; this longing lasts until you are able to get what the other person has, no matter how long it takes.

What we have does not seem to give us as much pleasure as - when we get what we do not have and the other person has. What we do not have is a better motivator, than what we have. When we want what we do not have, there is an anticipation - and they say that there is always more pleasure in anticipation than in realization.

We always compare what we have with what others have or do not have. I was discussing this topic one day at dinner time. My daughter Sashi asked me, "But, father, if you do not compare, how can you progress further? Where is the incentive for you to achieve anything in life?" Very interesting question, indeed.

It is true that unless you compare, you do not know what you do not have - and what you do not have is the motivator for you. It is only then that you put the right effort for earning what you do not have. In fact, wages in the corporate world or government institutions are negotiated frequently on this basis. They compare the wages of employees doing similar work in different institutions - and the labor unions want higher wages on this basis and the employers point out several differentials to refute the validity of the comparison. If comparisons serve a positive purpose and motivate you to better enterprise, effort and creativity, go for it. Unfortunately, people do not compare for such positive purposes.

The next thought is about “Seeking happiness”