Thought 60: Man is egocentric (Continued)

If you can control your ego, you can also control your reaction. In a controlled reaction, you send out a message as appropriate that you do react in a measured way to a certain ugly situation created by some persons. You indicate in this controlled manner that you are not willing to compromise over issues, when they are made very repugnant to you.

Most people, however, cannot control their ego – and therefore, they react instantaneously and sometimes severely or even violently. Most people are very sensitive – and excessive ego makes people excessively sensitive. Thus, egocentric persons are generally sensitive and unhappy persons.

Excessively egocentric persons think that they know everything – and what is worse, they think that all others are stupid. When a person gives this impression, people generally try to avoid him - like plague. I know a family who are excessively egocentric – and they look down on every one else with contempt and disdain. They are constantly trying to impress on you how great they are. You generally would like to avoid them but when it becomes really essential for you to talk to them, the experience is not only tiring - but most of the time, it even becomes unbearable. Consequently, such persons and families have no friends; they only have enemies.

The excessively egocentric persons also take offence quickly; and they are even quicker in abusing and hurting others based on ill or wrongly perceived insults. When you get trapped in such a situation by chance, it is prudent to withdraw quietly – preventing the already ugly situation turning more ugly. One of my friends and his wife were once caught up in this type of situation.

A close relative of the wife of a friend, who is an extremely egocentric person, started saying all sorts of bad things one day to my friend’s wife about him (my friend) – which were actually very silly and childish fabrications, provoked by prejudice and an overblown sense of ego. This lady is by nature a very gentle soul and her attempts to stop this false indictment of her husband proved to be futile. This person was virtually spitting venom at her husband - using very foul language too. This poor lady was in great agony – and she did not know how to deal with those false and fictitious allegations, which were causing her a great distress. She virtually broke down. She came to her husband narrating the whole dreadful episode – and he could see how she was making a brave but vain attempt to hold down tears, which were beginning to stream down her innocent cheeks.

He tried to calm her down. It took her a few minutes to gain her usual composure. Then, he told her nothing ever happens in this God’s world without a reason (which was his firm belief). Therefore, he believes that god sent this experience as punishment to him (and to her also) for something, which he (and she also) must have done in their earlier lives.

If this philosophy is accepted, then, this experience is an effect for a cause of which one would have no knowledge at this present time - but nevertheless it must have existed. Therefore, if one were to curse or abuse or wish bad things for this vicious person for causing this anguish to his wife, he will only be converting the effect into a new cause(!), which once again would bring its own effect to him later sometime in future. If one accepts this frightful experience on this basis, he will have no animosity against such obnoxious persons. The moral of this story is “Do not make an effect into a cause” – and this is what the spiritual wisdom of Vedaanta actually recommends.

Thus, I think that in situations, which do not involve compromising your values, it is good to be “thick-skinned” – that is, not reacting at all. What do you think?

The next thought is about “Every decision has a consequence”