Thought 27: Making a mistake is not a crime

Making a mistake is not a sin to be abhorred. It is to be viewed as quite a natural thing for a human being - which all of us are. This does not mean that anybody can get away with anything. No, we cannot take this argument to such extremes. Indifferent attitudes, insolent postures and hot temperaments induce more mistakes than normal. Unless such individuals realize their limitations and overcome these handicaps, they have to bear the burden of these limitations, which are certainly avoidable. Sabotage or mistakes due to drinking or drugs are never to be excused.

When mistakes occur due to lack of training or lack of skills, they are easily corrected by training. Inexperienced persons commit more mistakes because of immaturity - this is readily understood. In fact, the honest and sincere persons, who have the necessary training, also make mistakes - and this need not cause concerns. So long as it is not for want of trying or the mistake is not due to dishonesty, hostility, drug or alcohol abuse, we can view a mistake an honest error - an error of judgment. It is but a human failing.

It appears that human endeavor is mostly involved in either committing a mistake or in correcting a mistake. If the human being is a computer or a robot, he can be expected to do the work accurately as programmed, day in and day out, for any length of time, without committing a single mistake. Human beings, however, are human beings - not computers or robots. They cannot also be programmed in the same manner. Therefore, human beings are very likely to commit mistakes. Every body does that. There is no exception.

The next thought is about “Not learning from a mistake is a crime”

Thought 26: Making Mistakes

There is no one in the world, no one at all, who can put his hand on his heart and claim honestly that he/she never committed any mistakes in his/her life. Everyone commits mistakes. To err is human - and some of us are perhaps more human than the others.
If you do not make an attempt to do something, no mistake will ever occur. It is only when you begin doing something that a mistake will occur. When you do not learn from your mistakes, you never succeed. When you succeed, you feel satisfied. An honest mistake is not a crime. You forgive yourself for your mistakes - don't you? The mistakes may punish you, but you seldom punish yourself for your mistakes. When you can forgive yourself for your mistakes, why not forgive others too for their mistakes? To understand is to forgive. It is smart to forgive and live in peace and happiness.

The most essential ingredient in forgiveness is the willingness to forgive. To forgive does not mean that you have to like the people that you forgive or you have to associate with them. No one compels you to like the people that you forgive. You can, however, love people without liking them. When you love every one and wish good for them, you are thinking of good. When you constantly think of good, it also happens to you. You become what you think. [Dr Joseph Murphy]

Don’t be afraid to make a mistake. Don’t waste energy in trying to cover up mistakes. It is quite OK to make a mistake - and fail. Do not be ashamed to own your mistakes. Mistakes are the greatest teachers – if you have a learning mind, of course. Learn from your mistakes and move on to the next challenge. If you do not accept your mistakes and learn from them, you are not growing.

Some of you may have heard of the famous story of a VP of IBM. He made a mistake and it resulted in a loss of a few million dollars to the company. So he went to see the CEO and said giving his resignation letter, “I suppose you want my resignation now”. Thereupon, the CEO said, “why would we want your resignation, after spending millions of dollars, in retraining you?”

The next thought is about “Making a mistake is not a crime”

Thought 25: Hatred only harms the person who entertains it in his mind

You hate a person when he makes you unhappy for some reason. If you are deceived, naturally, you feel outraged. When you feel cheated, you will naturally hate the person who cheated you.

All negative attitudes are manufactured by the mind internally. Hatred is one such negative attitude, which is potentially very corrosive. It really serves no purpose to you. On the other hand, it causes unhappiness to you - and not to the person whom you hate. You do not have to hate a person just because you do not like him or just because he caused you some harm.

You are responsible for the way you think about any person. You feel what you think. When you control your thoughts, you control your feelings too automatically. If you think differently, you also feel differently. You have the choice to hate a person or to love a person. You are the sum total of your choices.

You may not be able to change a person, even though you feel that the change may do him good. It is very difficult for people to change. You do not have much control over the inner changes of any person. Even if the person wants to change and the fact that he does not, shows that it is very difficult for him to change. It is impractical to want the whole world to conform to your wishes, even though they may appear valid to you.

You are no doubt responsible for your actions and emotions - but how can you assume responsibility for the actions of others? If you have done something wittingly or unwittingly, you can own up and make amends for your own omissions and commissions. But how can you assume responsibility for those of others? Yet some one else's omissions and commissions seem to affect you to a very large extent, emotionally. The reason for this is that you internalize them - you allow them to penetrate inside. (Swami Dayanaanda)

Hatred is a mere thought in your mind – and when you ignore this thought, it goes away quietly. If you associate yourself with that thought, however, it causes damage – to you. Thus, it is your mind which manufactures anger and hatred. It is your mind again, which, manufactures understanding and forgiveness. Here is a choice for you. Why don’t you choose to understand and forgive. The remedy lies, says Dr Wayne Dyer, not in twisting the knife in the hurt, but in cutting and throwing the hurt out. This is what forgiveness is all about; throw the memory of the hurt out.

The truth is that no one can make you unhappy - unless you permit them. People have no power over you, unless you empower them. People have your tacit approval when they annoy you. The wise person knows this - and he wears a bullet-proof vest. Nothing penetrates and goes inside to trouble him.

The next thought is about “Making mistakes”

Thought 24 Anger (Continued)

Consider this interesting Indian parable. In a small village in India, there was once a dangerous snake, which was always trying to bite the villagers. One day, a wise Sannyaasi (mendicant) came to the village. The villagers complained to the wise Sannyaasi about the snake - how it was making their lives miserable. They requested him to advise the snake not to bite them. The Sannyaasi dutifully advised the snake as desired by the villagers and went on his way. A month later, this Sannyaasi happened to visit this village again and found the snake in a miserable condition – terribly wounded and weak. Seeing this pitiable spectacle, the Sannyaasi, asked the snake why was it in that miserable condition. The snake said, “What horrible advice you gave me, sir. Since I did not bite any person – no one was afraid of me. Even the small children of this village are pelting stones at me and beating me with their sticks”. Thereupon, the Sannyaasi said, “I told you not to bite - but I never told you not to make menacing and frightening snaky “Hissssss, Hissssss” noises”.

In our daily living too, we have to make such frightening noises to scare some people away. At times, we have to feign anger – although feeling anger is better avoided.

The next thought is about “Hatred only harms the person who entertains it in his mind”

Thought 24: About Anger

Anger and frustration are emotions that you would continue to experience because you cannot order the world the way you want it to be. People will never behave the way you want them to. Things will never go the way you want them to. This is the real world in which you live. (Dr Wayne Dyer)

You frequently experience anger (and frustration). Anger is bad; it is bad for you – and not for any one else. You are unhappy when you are angry. Anger puts a distance between you and your happiness. Angry persons are unhappy persons. Conversely, unhappy persons are always angry. People make you angry; you never make yourself angry because you do not want to become unhappy.

If you have a short fuse (low tolerance), you would blow up the moment some one says something which you do not like or behaves in a way that you do not like. Whenever you cannot handle a situation or a person properly, you feel frustrated and defeated and you blow up - and you feel unhappy.

No one can annoy you unless you permit him. The behavior of others cannot hurt you unless you have agreed and participated in this hurt [Dr Wayne Dyer]. It is your mind, which manufactures ill-will and resentment. It is your mind again, which manufactures understanding and forgiveness. It is a choice. You may as well choose to understand and forgive. You may choose to smile at unpleasant experiences. There is no anger or resentment in a pleasant smile. When you refuse to become angry, life actually becomes very pleasant, peaceful - and happy for you.

Resentment and revenge are stressful – not to the person against whom they are entertained, but to the person entertaining them. They are behind a host of diseases - from headaches to cardiac diseases. The remedy lies in not getting angry.

Likes and dislikes are called Raaga-Dveshas (in Sanskrit). Raaga-Dveshas cause agitation in the mind. No one can be happy when the mind is agitated for any reason. When there is turmoil in the mind, there will never be any peace in it. Turmoil and peace are mutually exclusive. Unless there is peace internally, there can never be any happiness for any person.

The next thought is about anger (Continued)

Thought 23: This crisis also will soon pass

Your marriage is on the rocks. Or financial ruin is staring you in the face. Or you are likely to be laid off and there is no other source of income for the family. Or your children are not doing well; you have a suspicion that they have taken to bad company and may be even to drugs. There could be any number of such poignant situations of human drama. Things are looking very bleak today. Dark clouds are gathering on the horizon. Really depressing - very depressing, indeed. You are unable to sleep. You wonder how to face the future - thinking that future is a frozen frame of this moment’s snap shot.

Did you not face many similar traumatic situations in the past? Do they not ring familiar to you? Did you not think at those times, "this is the end"? Did you not also think at those times, that heavens were about to fall on you? How many times have they actually fallen?

If you do not actually panic, there is always a way out. The "exit" is really there - written in luminous letters, but you do not see it, when you are panicky. You will get out of this scary situation too soon - you always did. May be you have to sacrifice some things or undergo some small loss in trying to get out of this difficult situation, but there is certainly a way out, if only you are willing to remain calm. Every crisis soon passes. This crisis also will pass soon. If you have faith in yourself and in your god, you will always find a solution for any crisis situation.

The next thought is “About anger”

Thought 22: The corrosive aspects of worry

Worry is like the static voltage. Voltage is basically a pressure or stress. As layer after layer of worry builds up, the static also keeps on building up - and you remain in a highly charged state. When the stress level increases further, you continue in the state of stress until break down occurs. It is like pumping some more air into an already fully inflated balloon. At some point, it reaches the bursting point.

Employers are now increasingly inclined to accept every employee as human resource or a human asset; and that work related stresses are making these resources or assets, highly tensed and fatigued. These resources or assets are known to depreciate rapidly under the influence of the occupational stress.

Dr Herbert Benson in his book, "Your Maximum Mind" says that when you get anxious or angry under the influence of stress, you display what is called, a "fight or flight" response, which is designed to prepare you for conflict. In these situations, your body secretes certain hormones called catecholamine (adrenaline and hydrocortisone), which prepare you to deal quickly and decisively with the perceived threat. The body suspends some functions (part of the immune system) and releases energy reserves, in short bursts.

However, if stress is continuous, the "fight or flight" reflex cannot cope with it. For instance, in the corporate world, the interval between two stress episodes is reducing - becoming almost zero for some persons. Consequently, there is no time for these persons to recharge themselves. They are under intense stress, almost continuously and the body has not yet devised a defense mechanism against such continued stress. When tensions mount and people find themselves in a pressure cooker, interest in work falls down markedly and their morale, even more markedly.

Stress related physical problems like irritability, high blood pressure, insomnia, cardio-vascular diseases, spondylytis, stomach ulcers, etc, slowly develop. This is the most corrosive aspect of making decisions mechanically without thinking - which give rise to worry. Corrosion on metals once started, keeps going until all the metal is eaten away. So it is with your mind too.

There are many well-intentioned persons who get into this kind of habit of taking decisions without thinking out the consequences properly. They do not make any effort to overcome this habit. As soon as the crisis is over, they think optimistically but unrealistically, that every thing is going to be alright. But they never realize that unless they start thinking, everything is not going to be alright. If you do not think, there is no way to learn - there is no way to take good ideas into one's life. The creative and analytical portion of their minds is drowsy by habit. They have to rediscover themselves - and awaken their lives.

The next thought is about “This crisis also will soon pass”

Thought 21: Worry is unnecessary

We encounter problems all the time. Such is the nature of life in this world. When we get into a problem, we also try to find a solution for it. That is, we give a number of inputs, in the hope that these inputs would solve the problem. The greatest input most of us seem to give automatically, whenever any problem arises seems to be, “WORRY”.

Worry is not the right input – not for this problem; not for any problem. Worry never solved any problem. On the other hand, worry causes new problems. It adds to the problem and most of the time; it makes the problem appear bigger and bigger – making it more and more intimidating. Snow-balling the problem is all that “worry” does. The successful managers realize that “worry” is not only unproductive – but it is counter productive as well.

The immediate solution to any problem is to stop worrying about it. Of course, this would not solve the problem – but it would contain the problem, which is always a big help. My own experience says that when worry is not there, your inputs are going to be more efficient – and more effective.

Inputs sans worry is all you can do. Pause for a while; and think about the possible ways of solving. Try to fix the problem – to the best of your ability. Is there anything else you can do? “Don’t worry – be happy”.

The next thought is about “The corrosive aspects of worry”

Thought 20: About Worry

We commonly observe that everybody worries about his obligations, duties and responsibilities in his business, to his family, about his health, etc. These are all surface exertions. Your foremost occupation in life is to do whatever work you have to do – and do it sincerely to the best of your ability; you can’t do better than that. Performing your duty in that manner is the beginning and the end of all your obligations. And our primary service to the world is to keep ourselves cheerful and happy. To be sorrowful and miserable is a social, moral and religious crime.

"Laugh – the world laughs with you.
Weep - and you weep alone
Rejoice - and men will seek you
Grieve - they turn and go
Feast - and your halls are crowded
Fast - and the world goes by."
(Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

The next thought is about “Worry is unnecessary”.