Thought 152: Living in the present

There is more to life than spending all your time worrying about the future or feeling guilty over the past. You must enjoy friendships, relationships, your work, your hobbies, the bliss of marriage and children, physical exercise or work out, entertainment, vacation, nature, gardening, reading and a host of other things that make life colorful, fulfilled and exciting. You can experience all these wonderful things provided you stop living in the past and also in the future - and start living in the present.

The truth is that in life, you can look into the last page, but not into the next page. Tomorrow is unknown - and anything unknown is fraught with fear. Tomorrow is like a post-dated check - which can not be cashed now.

And it is most unproductive, and even counter-productive, to ruminate over yesterday. Any amount of pondering over it, cannot bring it back for you - you cannot undo what has already been done

Tomorrow never happens. Today is what matters. Today is like the cash in hand - to be enjoyed. Plan for tomorrow, but live in the present.

The next thought is about “Expectations in life”

Thought 151: You can never be right all the time

There are some persons who think that they can never go wrong; they strongly believe that they are right 100% of the time. These are the highly egocentric persons of this world. They feel that they know everything; and what is worse is that they think others do not know anything! In any conversation, they have a compulsion to dominate and they do dominate with an attitude; and this attitude seems to verbalize, “I have the answer – what is the question?”

It is important to realize that one can never be right 100% of the time. If your judgment is good, you can be right a large part of the time. This implies that you can be wrong the remaining time. This is the best - the best of us can achieve. The rest of us achieve much less. Unfortunately, there are some who think that they are always right - the superman syndrome. The superman never existed except in fiction and will never exist outside the fiction. Human beings are quite fallible. If you attempt 100 things, I think that it is a remarkable fete, if you succeed in 50 to 60 of them. The average man may succeed in 30 of them, if he is a thinking person. No one should ever worry that he has not succeeded in all the 100 things attempted. It is simply not possible. It is said that every failure supports the ultimate success, if you have faith in yourself and in God.

The next thought is about “Living in the present”

Thought 150: The crystal ball will not work

If you can lean over the "present" and can try to peak into the "future", you will never make a mistake. In life, however, there is no way to look into the "next page" – not even into the next moment. In the real world, the crystal ball does not work.

There is always a measure of uncertainty in anything that you wish to accomplish. One of the ironies of life is that you must assume that you know the future and act. Inaction in the face of uncertainty is no virtue. It is the action in the face of uncertainty that is needed. A manager is trained to take decisions against the backdrop of uncertainty. He does not like to gamble - but he is willing to take calculated risks. The office clerk will not take such calculated risks. He can only act, if he is certain that he will not be blamed, should something go wrong. This is a typical bureaucratic tradition of ensuring safety. The "Yes Minister" is always safe. The manager is willing to take the blame.

The next thought is about “You can never be right all the time”

Thought 149: What is decency

Keeping your promises even if others do not, is decency. Keeping secrets even if others do not, is decency. Not forgetting to return what you borrowed, even if others do forget, is decency. Not rejecting old and tried friendships while making more interesting friendships, is decency. Never wishing to others what you do not like to happen to you, is decency. To be nice and helpful to neighbors, even if they are not, is decency. Having sympathy for those who are not so fortunate as you are in terms of money, education and other accomplishments, is decency. To love animals and birds, which are so helpless to defend themselves against the cruelty and selfishness of human beings, is decency. Not causing pollution is decency. Constantly advocating against pollution is also decency. Looking after your old parents is decency. Doing the right thing (what they like and also what is good for them) for your wife and children, is decency. Never letting down your friends and well wishers, is decency. Giving your very best for the employer, who pays your monthly pay check, is decency. Can you add to this list? Can you try to abide by these rules? If you try to do that, you are a decent person.

The next thought is about “The crystal ball will not work”

THought 148: Seeking Approval

There is nothing wrong in enjoying a little compliment, an affectionate pat on the back and a little bit of applause from time to time, says Dr Wayne Dyer. You do want to be thought of well by your bosses, spouses, children, neighbors, colleagues, friends, peers and relatives. You feel good and you like to do things, which please them. But, when seeking approval of persons constantly becomes a compulsion, it sets up a stress for you. You are always anxious to please them and feel worried that you may not have done enough in this regard. At times, you may feel concerned with disapproval. This sets up more stress for you.

Every one has an agenda of his own – and they want you to do things or behave in a way to promote their agenda; they are not at all interested in your agenda. If you do not do what they want you to do, they show their disapproval – which is designed in a subtle manner to make you feel uncomfortable or upset.

When you try to please others habitually, you are being controlled by them. By withholding approval, they have the power to modify your behavior. You have given them this power. If seeking approval becomes a habit, you lose your self-confidence and self-esteem. You can gain your power back only when you start doing things to please your self and not others. You can get rid of your stress when “what others think of you” becomes a thing of no consequence and what you think of yourself becomes important.

The sooner you realize that you can never please every one, no matter what you do and that you can never get rid of their disapproval, the better for you.

The next thought is about “What is decency”

Thought 147: Why people behave the way they do?

Sometimes people behave in a way that upsets you. Many persons have behaved badly towards me - apparently for no reason. Previously, I used to get upset when they tried to upset me! Now, I have learnt to ignore this person. I am satisfied that it is his nature to behave this way. I cannot change his nature. He alone can change his nature.

People do take an instant dislike or like to persons. Each person behaves according to the nature and quality of his mind. If this is understood, this kind of problem gets greatly minimized.

Swami Dayananda says that the animals are above reproach in this respect. They do not understand what is a rational behavior and therefore, they do not know how to behave irrationally. You do not find fault with a mosquito, for instance, for biting you? What all you do is to get rid of it or find a cure for its bite, but you do not entertain any animosity against it. You know it bites because it does not know anything better; it does not know that it should not bite you!

Similarly, people also behave helplessly as dictated by their in-born tendencies, called, Samskaras (Vaasanas). If you had the same past, you would have done the same thing too. If you understand this, you are a mature person.

Thought 146: We constantly judge people

Whether we like it or not, all of us are constantly judging people. The more mature we are, the more objective this judgment is going to be. For instance, during my service, I was a member of the departmental promotion committee of a Technical Organization. I was always surprised and even shocked, sometimes, how a few members in this committee, judged the candidates for promotion based on their face, complexion and other irrelevant features – and not based on their professional knowledge and skills.

It is smart to keep your likes and dislikes on hold while judging people. Such persons are mature and their judgment will be found correct more often than not. They have well honed judging skills, which got developed over a period of time. They can smartly docket a person in no time at all.

Many people talk highly of themselves; they usually over-estimate themselves and their brood. There may be any number of reasons for this but we are not concerned with those reasons. How much of what they say should we believe? There is a need for judgment here again – because this is crucial.

I want to strike a note of caution here. People may over-estimate themselves - but do not under-estimate them, because they overestimate themselves.

Greed, untrustworthiness, negative attitudes and similar traits show out very easily in people – they stick out a mile. You do not need much maturity to detect them. It is only when these traits are smartly camouflaged that you really need all the judging skills that you can muster, supplemented by your sixth sense. Whenever there is a doubt, it is good to go by what your sixth sense says.

Keep a distance from people whom you judge as greedy, untrustworthy and prone to thinking negatively.

The next thought is about “Why people behave the way they do?”

Thought 145: About Friends and Enemies

Everyone has friends - and enemies; everyone has persons, whom he labels as “good” and “bad”. Labels are, of course, purely subjective.

Every one has 'good' and 'bad' in him. Everyone has an agenda of his own - which makes him a friend to some and an enemy to others. You should consider him good or bad to you, not because some one says so, but because you find him so.

Every one has likes and dislikes. Every one has ‘good’ and ‘bad’ in him. Everyone has an agenda of his own – which makes him a friend to some and an enemy to others. You should consider him good or bad to you, not because some one says so, but because you find him so.

Most people do not really know who their well wishers are. Some persons are naïve – they accept every one who flatters them as friends. An enemy evidently appears as an enemy but a friend, who is really an enemy, cannot be seen in his true colours so easily. Remember, a friend is your well wisher; he comes to your help without expecting any return. Those who are not your well wishers (friends) in this sense, are your acquaintances. In this world, every one has his/her own agenda. Every one is primarily interested in himself/herself, although they may profess or pretend that they are more interested in promoting your interests like a friend. The intelligent person would be able to see through this pretense – and come to know the real nature of the so called friend.

I always advise my children to keenly observe the behaviour of their so called friends – classify them properly into friends and acquaintances. A friend is one who helps without expecting a return. An acquaintance is one who does business deals – “if I do this for you, what will you do for me?” One should have a small circle of close (real) friends and a large circle of acquaintances.

The next thought is about “We constantly judge people”