Thought 179: The Pessimists of this world

There are always, of course, the Charlie Browns (the cartoon Character) of this world, who hold their heads in both their hands, with a deep furrow on their forehead, every time when things do not go as planned or as wished. Such people always think, “Heaven is going to fall on the earth” right now - if what they wished does not happen. They wallow in self pity and think that they have been singled out to suffer in this cruel world – while all others (who, in their perception, have no talent or who committed worse blunders or who are crooked) are getting everything that they never deserved. They lament that they are born only to become the Martyrs of this world. These are the pessimists of this world who find no joy in life - and constantly whine, saying, “Life, where is thy sting?”

Such persons regularly predict the Doomsday (called Pralaya in Sanskrit). I remember how every body predicted that the computers will stop working on the first day of this Millennium and consequently, the technological world would come to a stand still suddenly and catastrophically - but there was no such problem, of course, to the utter disappointment of these pessimists. If there was a bomb blast somewhere in India, they say “That is it – we are all going to die soon”. The pessimist is basically frightened of life. His problems are usually ‘tiny and tidy’ – but he paints them to appear as “big and dirty” to the world. He spends his time happily addressing these “big and dirty” problems that are not there.

The pessimists of this world always see “the glass is half empty with water”. They only see the dark clouds in the sky - but fail to see even the silver lining in those dark clouds. The Charlie Browns of this world essentially are not only pessimists but are also cowards; they are always overwhelmed by the problems of the world – and feel helpless. Being frightened of life, they stew themselves in their own self pity. They portray themselves as the martyrs, who bear the cross for the sins of the world - and glad to do so. They have an attitude which proclaims to the world that they do not mind crucifixion to save the humanity.

The next thought is about “Escapism is the way of life for some persons”

Thought 178: The enthusiastic and optimistic people of this world

Enthusiastic people love whatever they do - regardless of the rewards involved. They do not waste tears on, "if only". They live each moment whole-heartedly - finding pleasure in every thing and feeling good all the time. They move about "with a sparkle in the eye, a dance in their step and a song on their lips", all the time. They always see the “The water in the glass is half full”. Even when facing adversity, they feel that they can somehow take advantage of it and rise higher, like the ball, which, when hit on the floor, rises high. The harder it is hit, the higher it rises.

Never let the adverse circumstances make you negative. Do you, for instance, ever plan for failure; never. No body does that. All the same, failures do occur every now and then – especially when you fail to plan. You must realize that all failures are accounted by the uncertainties of life on this planet. If we can look into the next page in life, we will never fail – but unfortunately, the crystal ball never works. Those who give up when they face a failure or a setback - are the losers of this world. Most losers are quitters and quitters never win. Also, winners never quit – although they may lose sometimes.

Always be positive. Always be objective. Always be happy. Always be enthusiastic. Always be cheerful. Let enthusiasm and cheerfulness be your hallmarks and constant companions - like the Sruti of a musician. When you do that, you are no longer overwhelmed by the world and its uncertainties and its adversities.

I am an optimist – a double distilled optimist at that. Therefore, I always say to my children, lose anything but your enthusiasm and cheerfulness. Sing in the bath room. Say good morning to every one you see – you need not know them. Always pump out an outstretched hand several times enthusiastically. Never miss an opportunity to say “thank you”. If you can say “thank you” to god daily, through a prayer, it is even better.

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Thought 177: Always be polite, be consistent, be firm and do not be afraid to say “No” when needed

It takes all sorts of people to make this world. No individual is like any other individual – the good lord created this world unequally for some reason. It is not realistic to expect every one to be like us or follow our standards.

It is natural for some people to be nice and polite, while some others are a little rough in their manners. Learn to deal politely with people, even if they have rough manners. When necessary, learn to be firm. Even when you have to be firm, be politely firm.

Never say one thing and mean another. This confuses people – especially, the children. Also be consistent in whatever you say. If there has been a mistake, have the courage to own it - and to correct it.

When you are convinced that you are right, you do not have to apologize to any one for anything. Have the courage of your convictions to defend your stand, when you are convinced that you are right.

It is the easiest thing to say “Yes” for everything and to every one. When it is essential, however, you must have the courage to say, “No”. Successful managers understand how important it is to say, “No”, when needed. I know of a close relative of mine who could never say “No” to any one. When you cannot say “No”, you get into stressful situations – because you will not be able handle the complications that arise from saying “Yes” when you should not have said “No”. At one stage, he could not handle the build up of the stress any further; he had a heart attack; the body and the mind could not handle the ever increasing stress, which was kept bottled up in him over long period of time.

The next thought is about “The enthusiastic and optimistic people of this world”

Thought 176: Image, reputation and honor

Every one is conscious of the image he is generating. He wants others to think well of him. There is nothing wrong in this. In fact, it is good to be image-conscious. After all, we live in a society, which values a good image. A good image helps one to advance in his or her career. He also gets respect in the society.

Reputation is different. It is connected with renown, standing, position and name. It is public recognition of one’s abilities and achievements. It is what is thought of by others about a person.

Every one is conscious of the image he is generating. He wants others to think well of him. There is nothing wrong in this. In fact, it is good to be image-conscious. After all, we live in a society, which values a good image. A good image helps one to advance in his or her career. He also gets respect in the society.

Reputation is different. It is connected with renown, standing, position and name. It is public recognition of one’s abilities and achievements. It is what is thought of by others about a person.

Honor is something else – it is connected with integrity. Honor engenders a great respect and a high public regard. It is reputation for honesty, morals, values and character. Honor is when moral tones are added to the image and/or reputation.

They say that while reputation is something that must be acquired, honor is something that must not be lost.

The next thought is about “Always be polite, be consistent, be firm and do not be afraid to say “No” when needed”

THought 175: There is a difference between friends and acquaintances (Continued)

Everyone has a fairly large circle of acquaintances - although they are erroneously called friends. These are relationships of convenience. Nothing more binding than that. This bond is not designed to endure. This is true for most of our relatives too. The acquaintances are not really interested in you, except to say "hello", and spend a few minutes pleasantly enough in your company, when you both happen to be thrown together. You also reciprocate on the same basis. You judge them and classify them into good and bad. Your interest ends there.

You know that when they say nice things about you, they do not really mean what they say. Most of them would say what you like to hear. When they say something to please you, there is always an angle to it. They are hoping to gain something at your expense. They always expect you to put in the bank first before they consider doing you a good turn.

Every person should have a small circle of close friends and relatives (who are more friends than relatives). Good friends rarely happen by chance. You have to develop them carefully. These people are willing to sacrifice their comfort and anything else to rally round you, when you need them most. This is the reason why they say that "A friend in need is a friend indeed".

Friends do not always have to talk sweetly to you. But they value your feelings and friendship – and they will not hurt your feelings for any reason. All of you operate on the "same net" and on the "same frequency", share the same values and principles, have the same respect and concern for each other and help each other without expecting any returns.

Friends care - and that is what friendship is all about. They are loath to gain anything at your expense; they never think of exploiting their friendship with you. On the contrary, they do not hesitate to sacrifice something for you. In fact, they become concerned at your losses. They warn you if they see you being exploited. They may not bother to couch these warnings in a polished language - they do not mind if their warnings sound a little harsh. In fact, they design these warnings to sound a little rough to have the right impact on you. If you mistake these sounds, you are the loser.

Friends will not judge you. They will not be harsh on you for your weaknesses and failings. They accept you “lock, stock and barrel”; they accept your assets as well as your liabilities (strengths and weaknesses). These friendships are based on strong bonds. If they sense that you do not respond on the same basis, they withdraw. If they do that, it is your loss. These friendships are not one way alleys – this friendship road is designed for two-way traffic.

In close human relationships, people do not have to deposit goodness first in the bank - although they invariably do. You get a lot of overdraft here. Beware if someone, who is not your close friend, talks sweetly to you. He wants something from you or he wants to gain something at your expense.

Do not misunderstand if a friend talks to you harshly. He is trying to warn you of some impending danger, of which, you are not aware. Therefore, it is not what a person says that is important - rather, it is what motivated him to say that, which is more important. The next thought is about “Image, reputation and honor”

Thought 175: There is a difference between friends and acquaintances (Cont.)

People generally mistake acquaintanceship for friendship. A friend is one on whom you can rely in a crisis. You cannot do so on an acquaintance. A friend is always ready to lend a hand - without expecting any return. With acquaintances, however, the ‘give and take’ is more a business deal – “If I do this for you, what will you do for me”?

Some people believe that relatives are more important than friends. Relatives are good – but only when they behave like friends. Every one needs friends. One could do without relatives.

Culture plays an important role in all friendships. Friendships last long only when there is a cultural compatibility. Small differences in culture can perhaps be accommodated, but large differences are hardly ever accepted by either party. This is the reason why friendships are rarely accidental – they have to be painstakingly cultivated and promoted.

You have to be constantly on the look out for persons with cultural compatibility - and when you find one, do not let him go. Cultivate him carefully with a view to developing a lasting friendship. It is not easy to find culturally compatible friends, but when you do - stick to him like a leech.

Generally, it is a good policy to be slow in choosing a friend – and even slower in changing one. Generally, it is also a good policy to have a small circle of close friends but a large group of acquaintances. We share freely our sorrows and joys only with the close friends’ circle. Remember, “A shared joy is double joy and a shared sorrow is half sorrow”

The next thought is also about “There is a difference between friends and acquaintances (Continued)”

Thought 175: There is a difference between friends and acquaintances

People generally mistake acquaintanceship for friendship. A friend is one on whom you can rely in a crisis. You cannot do so on an acquaintance. A friend is always ready to lend a hand - without expecting any return. With acquaintances, however, the ‘give and take’ is more a business deal – “If I do this for you, what will you do for me”?

Some people believe that relatives are more important than friends. Relatives are good – but only when they behave like friends. Every one needs friends. One could do without relatives. Culture plays an important role in all friendships. Friendships last long only when there is a cultural compatibility.

Small differences in culture can perhaps be accommodated, but large differences are hardly ever accepted by either party. This is the reason why friendships are rarely accidental – they have to be painstakingly cultivated and promoted.

You have to be constantly on the look out for persons with cultural compatibility - and when you find one, do not let him go. Cultivate him carefully with a view to developing a lasting friendship. It is not easy to find culturally compatible friends, but when you do - stick to him like a leech.

Generally, it is a good policy to be slow in choosing a friend – and even slower in changing one. Generally, it is also a good policy to have a small circle of close friends but a large group of acquaintances. We share freely our sorrows and joys only with the close friends’ circle. Remember, “A shared joy is double joy and a shared sorrow is half sorrow” The next thought is also about “There is a difference between friends and acquaintances (Continued)”

Thought 174: We are all transceivers

We are all transceivers; we transmit as well as we receive “thoughts signals”, without our knowledge, of course. We have invisible antennae, which facilitate receiving thoughts as well as transmitting thoughts. In certain places or occasions especially, our antennae become very sensitive – they pick up signals very easily and radiate signals equally easily.

For instance, devotees go to a temple out of Bhakti. When they enter the temple, their thoughts are full of Bhakti, which they radiate unconsciously. The temple environment is full of such pious thoughts transmitted similarly by the other devotees who visit the temple –which you receive and which sometimes may even resonate in your mind. All devotees are generally tuned to the “temple radio station” – and therefore, they pick up these signals very easily.

Similarly, when we go to a restaurant for food, we transmit and receive thoughts of enjoyment of good food – and the restaurant environment is full of such thoughts. These “received” thoughts, reinforce our own thoughts of anticipating to eat and enjoy good food – which makes the enjoyment even more agreeable. This is what we mean by the term, “atmosphere” in a restaurant. The same food, if consumed at home, is not so enjoyable. This is the reason why we prefer to go to a temple also. We could have done the prayers at home, but not so effectively.

In the same manner, we also pick up signals at the place of work as well as at home. It is because of this reason, good managers try to keep the atmosphere at the place of work “clean” – meaning, that they ensure that no one radiates negative thoughts, which can vitiate the atmosphere at the work place and make it highly unproductive. Similarly, you do not want your children, for instance, to pick up at home, “the swings in your moods”. If they do, they also imbibe the same qualities when they grow up. Surely, you don’t want that to happen.

Make sure that the children at home pick only the right signals – which are full of enthusiasm, fun, Bhakti, achievement, character, morals, and in short, all the right values, which every parent wants his or her children to absorb and grow up with. The next thought is about “There is a difference between friends and acquaintances”