THought 175: There is a difference between friends and acquaintances (Continued)

Everyone has a fairly large circle of acquaintances - although they are erroneously called friends. These are relationships of convenience. Nothing more binding than that. This bond is not designed to endure. This is true for most of our relatives too. The acquaintances are not really interested in you, except to say "hello", and spend a few minutes pleasantly enough in your company, when you both happen to be thrown together. You also reciprocate on the same basis. You judge them and classify them into good and bad. Your interest ends there.

You know that when they say nice things about you, they do not really mean what they say. Most of them would say what you like to hear. When they say something to please you, there is always an angle to it. They are hoping to gain something at your expense. They always expect you to put in the bank first before they consider doing you a good turn.

Every person should have a small circle of close friends and relatives (who are more friends than relatives). Good friends rarely happen by chance. You have to develop them carefully. These people are willing to sacrifice their comfort and anything else to rally round you, when you need them most. This is the reason why they say that "A friend in need is a friend indeed".

Friends do not always have to talk sweetly to you. But they value your feelings and friendship – and they will not hurt your feelings for any reason. All of you operate on the "same net" and on the "same frequency", share the same values and principles, have the same respect and concern for each other and help each other without expecting any returns.

Friends care - and that is what friendship is all about. They are loath to gain anything at your expense; they never think of exploiting their friendship with you. On the contrary, they do not hesitate to sacrifice something for you. In fact, they become concerned at your losses. They warn you if they see you being exploited. They may not bother to couch these warnings in a polished language - they do not mind if their warnings sound a little harsh. In fact, they design these warnings to sound a little rough to have the right impact on you. If you mistake these sounds, you are the loser.

Friends will not judge you. They will not be harsh on you for your weaknesses and failings. They accept you “lock, stock and barrel”; they accept your assets as well as your liabilities (strengths and weaknesses). These friendships are based on strong bonds. If they sense that you do not respond on the same basis, they withdraw. If they do that, it is your loss. These friendships are not one way alleys – this friendship road is designed for two-way traffic.

In close human relationships, people do not have to deposit goodness first in the bank - although they invariably do. You get a lot of overdraft here. Beware if someone, who is not your close friend, talks sweetly to you. He wants something from you or he wants to gain something at your expense.

Do not misunderstand if a friend talks to you harshly. He is trying to warn you of some impending danger, of which, you are not aware. Therefore, it is not what a person says that is important - rather, it is what motivated him to say that, which is more important. The next thought is about “Image, reputation and honor”