Thought 184: Certain backgrounds result in certain types of behavior

When the baby calls the father "bad boy, daddy", the father not only does not complain, but he actually enjoys being called a "bad boy". He tells his wife proudly that the child is calling him a "bad boy". But were the child to call him a "bad man" 20 years later, he would have an entirely different response. There was no reaction to the baby calling him a "bad boy daddy", because there was an appreciation of the background from which the baby called him names. The background is innocence. Even when the older boy calls him a "bad man", there is perhaps a background - but the father is not willing to understand and accommodate this background.

Every person comes from a given background - and certain backgrounds result in certain types of behavior. With a certain kind of father, mother, associates, relatives, schooling, other environmental factors that went into a person's upbringing, he gets programmed in a unique way - and consequently, he behaves in a correspondingly unique way. With a similar background, I too would behave the same way as this person. That type of consideration of another person's background as the basis of my responses is what I call maturity.

But the great thing about a human being is that his childhood programming can be "undone". As an adult, I can always reprogram myself and change the habitual behavior patterns rooted in my childhood. This, of course, requires an intense internal urge to reprogram myself.

My response to a behavior depends on whether or not, I am able to understand and appreciate why the person is behaving the way he does. If I can appreciate the background, I will perhaps have sympathy for him. Or else, I will be angry. Sympathy gives rise to accommodation. Anger results in reaction – and resentment.

It is not easy to understand a person; it requires a great deal of patience. I know people, who have been very close friends for over a decade, becoming enemies suddenly. Both are unwilling to understand and accommodate each other - now. They were able to understand and accommodate each other until the hostility arose between them.

If one is willing to understand the background, he will try to accommodate. With a proper understanding of the background, he will refrain from reacting - and start responding.

The next thought is about “People always talk - it is their prerogative”